Top 10 Reasons I wish I were Schizophrenic

1). I'd be normal
2). I can stop wondering weather or not I'm crazy
3). Society would stop looking down on me for not having a job at the age of 34
4). My kids would love me more
5). My boyfriend could cheat on me but not on me
6). I'd never be lonely
7). I could screw myself without actually screwing myself
8). Martin Scorsese would give me a walk on role
9). I could apply for SSI
10). I would no longer be constipated because at least one of these personalities would have to take a shit.